Good Girls and Bad Boys, Bad Girls and Good Guys Is this true?
76Is there such a thing, what do you feel about it?
Oh no! Why is she with him?!!??? He doesn't have a true career path he is such a bad boy! The Fonzi's of the world or Tony (John Travolta) from Saturday Night Fever types; cool and or good looking with nothing but having a good time on their mind. They may or may not call you back, but you still wait for their call. Or what about, the Ellen Barkin types or Cameron Diaz? They usually play women who are out for fun and in a way, may break your heart. Cameron, broke Ed Burns heart in She's the One, she was his ex-gal secretly having an affair with his younger brother and was a call-girl back in her college days (now she would be mid-to-late 20's). The movie, Who's that Girl?, starring Madonna, she was a parolee and she had some issues with criminals chasing her and the good guy, Dunne, fell for her. He was engaged, straightlace no nonsense guy and he fell mad for her as she for him!
So, what is it that is found appealing about these types of bad boys/girls that attracts us, the more good guy/girl types of people?
Many might say, the fact that the other person is more risky or appears more risky than the goodie two shoes. In my life, in the the past, I would have been considered a good girl. Now, I admit to making some bad choices and decisions regarding career and even dating situations, but mainly, I am or even was the type that had guys in my life with a bad reputation. These guys for me, I found I had some things in common with. Guy #1, we loved to dance, play basketball and other sports together, go out to movies and dinner, talk and watch t.v. we had a great time together. We, were more friends with a strong attraction to each other. Now, I look back and feel silly, I started "falling" for him, but now have no feelings like that at all towards him. At the time things ended, I was heart broken, but now, I realized it wouldn't of worked and that he knew I was just a little too nice for him. Guy #2, I fell madly for, but he appears to like me as I am, but in some ways, I feel he would have wanted me and still does to be more open to take sexual risk about different things, and that I would keep all that great physical excitement going for him, it just wasn't me, I think he is finallly realizing it. He seems to want the good girl with the bad girl ways. He wants the sweetheart of a woman, but to display this over the top sexy persona.
Both guys are drinkers, one more of a smoker than the other, both have been incarcerated. [Yes I know, but these things happened with both,their arrests (one drug related, ironically the non-smoker) the other burglary], when I wasn't involved with them during those times, they happened post break ups.
Frequently asked questions are: Is it that the goodie two shoes thinks they can change the bad one? Or could it be that they are looking at them through pink/rose colored glasses? Maybe, it is the fact that they don't have much in common and that it would be nice getting to know someone different? Even, could it be that the "good" is trying to take a walk on the "bad" wildside of life? Maybe, it could be Yes to all of those or even no to any of those theories.
Another example, movie wise, look at Peggy Sue Got Married, Kathleen Turner was in a relationship with Nicholas Cage and she, rather it was a dream or reality, was able to relive her life and go back to her high school days. It appears she had many regrets. Her life didn't turn out exactly as she would have liked it to have. So, what did Peggy Sue do? She had a little fling with the hot, sexy, mysterious guy that rode the motorcycle. He was poetic and just way cool. She went for a fling with him, she wanted to see what it would be like to have been with someone else and she was so attracted to his sexy, edgy, mysterious, dark side. She found him to be so interesting and exciting. Something she later in life, knew she missed out on and was happy to have had the opportunity to see or find out about (my impression on her reaction/demeanor).
So, again, is this true that good girls really want bad boys or bad boys want good girls or that bad girls want the good guys and they want them as well? This is another issue that we may never know the real answer to. In my opinion and experience, I honestly feel that women want someone that they are attracted to and can have a great time with. Women look at men or whomever they want as a partner and feel that if there is something about them they like and they feel the same about me, let's see where it goes. Men, of course, do the exact same thing. It appears that what people need and want is someone that shares similar interests as them.
From the outside looking in, maybe the good girl type, non smoker, drinker, even a church going person, might be involved with a guy that is a drinker, smoker and not really a religious type of person. There is a great possibility for this to work, if there is communication and lots of interaction with one another. Just because there are a differences in some social acts, doesn't mean that they don't hold the same values and have similar interests in what they want out of life that would be more significant than these things. Yes, these things appear major, but also if there is RESPECT FOR THE OTHERS DECISIONS/WISHES/CHOICES, then the rest will fall into place. Therefore, just because he drinks and she doesn't, as long as the person has control and doesn't do anything that would be disrespectful to the other, while out socializing with them or something of that sort, then things could work out for them. For instance, if the drinker, goes out with their partner, knows that the other person doesn't drive (meaning no license or the car is a stick shift and they are unable to physically drive it), they wouldn't become intoxicated to the point where they couldn't drive them both home. They would respect and realize that the person is unable to drive, for whatever reason and while with them, wouldn't go over the limits with the drinking.
Sometimes there are thoughts of I can change that person or they will change for me. There not as bad as they appear, I know we can work things out. That would be the pink/rose colored glasses. This is where a person needs to be cautious. Changing another person doesn't happen! If that person wants to make adjustments in their life then they will, but that party has to be willing or things will not work as you expect if you can't accept them for who they are.
Why do Bad boys like Good Girls? Well, again, in my experience, I felt the guys that I've come across have viewed me or even the female of their interest as being nice and sweet that wouldn't harm a fly. They have felt that despite their reputations and attitudes that these women would be great for them. It would give them stability and show off their more softer sensible side. Sometimes, with a sweeter person, it is easier to feel comfortable to be yourself, expresss yourself. Imagine a bad boy and bad girl, it could be impossible to display great affection and thoughtfulness. That other person may not accept or appreciate it. Furthermore, they both might look at the affection and thoughtfulness as or would or assume that the other person is or has been doing something wrong that they want to make up for due to guilt. Also, they might not get along because of all the drinking or drugs and eccentric behavior. As since they are so much alike, they would know the other ones character....Go figure huhn!?? (i.e. Heidi Fleiss and Tom Sizemore--issues drugs and abusiveness bad girl and bad boy) Movie example, 28 Days with Sandra Bullock, her beau (Dominic West), was addicted to pills/drugs and alcohol, but functioned better than she did. She realized, he wasn't good for her to remain with as he thought she would dry up a bit due to court order then back to the good and wild times.
Why do Good Guys like Bad Girls? Well, hey let's add a little spice in our life. I work the great job, am at a nice ad agency, but I need some edge and excitement from somewhere! So, he meets the gal at the club! She is hot to trot great looking, great dancer, but maybe a little too much of a party goer. However, she likes his sensibility and how he is sweet and he sends her flowers and thinks of her. She could really fall for him and is ready to settle down with someone like him.
Instead of making the assumptions that whatever the situation is if it's the guy that is "bad" or the girl and the other person of desire is opposite. It should be thought of that. I think we should look at it as more of an opposites attract, instead of making it seem more like a certain type of person liking someone different from them. I believe that you are just attracted to someone, by how they look or their personality (it could solely depend on how you meet them). If you see a person from across the room, most definitely it is about their looks if/when you decide to approach them, but if it is about the things they say, you must have been hooked up by a blind date or even if you met them online (without seeing a pic of course!).
Another Scenario, what if the person we consider good, really isn't? Or doesn't see/refer to themselves in that manner? Take Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Whitney was this sweet, lean singing sensation with an angelic voice and face to match. She was high on the list of women desired in the 80's and 90's, then she falls for R&B Bad Boy Bobby Brown. Whitney time and time again, states, I'm not a good girl, I'm from Jersey (a way to speak of others in your state?) and this is me all day everyday doing my thing. Ms. Houston would make those types of comments with an attitude of you better believe it. Watching the Being Bobby Brown reality show, it would appear that Mr. Brown was truly a sweet, kind hearted, loving man to his children who was helpful to his wife and accomodating to his fans signing autographs, hugging them, thanking them and taking pictures. While Ms. Houston, stayed in diva mode and wouldn't accept the fans devotion and would say things like I'm with my family, no, please leave me alone having time with them. Atlhough understandable, but just disrespectful to her supporters over the years. Despite, both have many problems with abuse occuring and as we know battling addictions, even to one another, (as Whitney told Oprah she was addicted to Bobby) when Whitney met Bobby, she knew his reputation and she wanted to ride in the fast lane right along with him and loose the good girl image she had.
Another diva, Monica, always said she didn't want that good girl image, she has admitted to dating thug types and drug dealers.
In reality, that is all this really is, just a behaviorial version of opposites attract. An obvious opposite attraction would be due to their looks or something, example, a more attractive person with a not as attractive one is obvious opposite attraction the same as a person that is thin and one not, also even people of different races. Ironically, people with these differences, could have more of the same values in common with those on their behaviorial side. As long as you are happy with your decision and they the same, you both can compliment each other well and work hard at making it work doesn't matter who's good or bad, just be great together and for each other. Are you happy with the good or bad person? If your answer is yes, then that is what's true.
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Shogan32, well that might be true. It appears, that they might know of the situation with the coworker that you told administration about during training. Despite all these rules/regulations. People from all departments at a job will talk. Human Resources, and other administrative sides whom are to be the hushy or even confidential side, usually are not, they are people that moved up in rank and still have ties with their former colleagues. My opinion, you do the same. Kind of ignore this gal and if she starts talking to you. Just be non chalant about things. They might have just wanted to see who you would go for, to learn more about you, plus, you were the new kid on the block. Some people do these things. Unfortunate, as you seem to be a nice and caring person. They aren't really worth or deserving of your time. Just be cautious of mixing business with pleasure. Still treat them all nice, but don't share your benefits with them. Just back up from calling her and see what happens. Again, they might of heard about what happened in training and wanted to fill you out more, also, maybe that girl doesn't want the office to know...she might have told those other gals, but maybe not the rest of the office knows. I would watch steps with them, you don't want them to turn something into sexual harassment or anything like that. Plus, they are bad gals obviously, you're a good guy, so they thought you were a pushover, just because you liked one person. Stay strong and adoring you will find the right one. I'm sorry you had to experience this ignorant behavior from them.
Wow, nice article mad me really think...
Thanks Mason88 for the comment...Yes, it is something that has been on my mind, even while writing the article other things come about like opposites attract, just thoughts as to my own experiences, watching films and different stories from books have brought it to mind.
This article absolutely speaks the truth!! I am living proof that good guys can be attracted to bad girls because of exactly what the article states: common interests and mutual attraction. I am currently dating a man who works for a state department, hard-working, protects society from monsters, ect. I have a past and have not been the most law-abiding citizen in the past. I am making some very positive changes, however, and he sees the person that I am today, and knows that I am a good person at heart. The attraction between us is physical and mental. We have a blast together and bring out only the best in one-another! I am a smoker but don't drink, and he drinks but does not smoke. We have never asked the other to change in any way, but it is automatic that when we are together, neither one of us indulges in these acts. We WANT to change for eachother. We realize that things that are harmful to our relationship, we don't want in the relationship. I believe that "Good Boys" and "Bad Girls" can be good together as log as the two PEOPLE are good together. My ex husband was a bad boy and our relationship was horrible because I was a bad girl. So the opposites attract thing could be correct, but I really believe that it depends on personality and mutual attraction. Any followers or aggreers? Please tell me....
Hi Kristen, thanks so much for your comments and your wonderful story.... yes, there are so many factors, people on the outside can look like not a match, but the inside be perfect! Your mutual attraction and personality yes are so true...I've been told by two men recently how they are attracted to my personality that is what draws them in....
Eh, I'm a proper good guy, not a nice guy (Don't get those two confused. What I mean is that I respect others as long as they respect me, to begin with. I respect myself too hence I'm not a pushover and I have morals. So abuse that bad guys give to girls is out of question for me.) and I can only say that bad girls do not cut it for me. I have my standards and I am simply not content with giving my faithfulness to some girl that will sleep around with any guy that she's attracted to. She is below standard and I am worth far more than some sub standard regular girl, so guess what....she's not worthy of me or my time. I give faithfulness, I expect it in return and if she doesn't like that, she's simply not worth my time. It's about give and take, she can't have her cake and eat it. She wants me to do stuff, then she has to give equally. I work for her, she works for me and that's that.
So yes, I do indeed prefer the good girls that I know will return my faithfulness, who won't put up with nonsense from me and who at the same time, will be stable enough to be called out when they give me nonsense. =P I'm a good guy, a man and am very proud of it.
Give me a sweet, caring, cute, goody two shoes girl anyday. It's far more attractive to me if a girl can make anything fun without the use of alcohol because that's exactly how I am and that she will return what I give her. Just as long as she understands that I won't put up with giving more than she's giving and that I won't treat her better or worse than I treat myself as long as she reciprocates that.
Just cause I'm a good guy, that doesn't mean I can't poke fun at her for the laughs, that I can't be unpredictable, fun, exciting, interesting, adventurous, confident, that I can't tease her, disagree with her, appreciate her physical beauty, be unafraid of being more intimate or that I'll be a pushover that will be wrapped around her finger. I'm a rare/unique kind of guy, a real good guy that's not afraid of being a man but simply isn't "too nice." To be specific, I'm looking for the Wendy to my Peter Pan. Hahaha. =P No bad girl could ever fulfil that for me, so I'm not really interested.
It's generally the shy girls that other guys ignore that get me. I'm the ridiculously confident guy, they're the shy girl that is often overlooked because they're different and good. I'm different too, so a different girl can indeed be exciting and fun for me. She might have fun in sillier ways like playing on the swings in a park but that's exactly what I want. I can make a swing in the park fun and sure as heck, I want her to be different to everyone else and make it fun as well.
For me bad girls are just so darn common and regular. I've grown very tired of them, to be honest. They don't give me what I want and expect me to give them what they want which unfortunately for them, doesn't happen. They're not fun, uninteresting, boring and can't really fit into my idea of what I want. A real good guy doesn't ALWAYS want a bad girl, in fact if most are like me, they'd never want one simply because she's not going to return the respect he gives and that will cause far too many problems.
Hi Ky,
thank you for your comments. Yes, it is all about going for what you want and like and being happy! Just making sure that they are who you would want and need and that is all that matters. I understand, have had this debate and wondered about things in people and their behavior.
You are right, thigns can be boring if you know every weekend that guy or gal (the bad one) is going to do the same thing go to the bar or club and have drinks and get into fight. Too predictable, I think you become an enabler and caregiver in a situation like that.
i was happy with the "bad" person, but hes just not happy with me.
Hey Nikki,
sorry to hear that, thanks for the reply, too bad, you look like a great gal! Hey sometimes the bad boys, just don't know how wonderful a good gal is!!!
i'm good until i become bad. But then becoming bad is like adding spice to life to a too sweet wife. There is only one rule : know your limits and be prepared to move up and down that mystical scale of love n desire...from bad to good n back... as long as its reversible and you don't cross the Rubicon...your'e ok! knowing not to cross the Rubicon is the art of living n loving! Some menu...but then who said life was easy!
Hey thanks for the comment Falakpema, I can understand what you say.
I think it's the opposites that are so attractive. Isn't exciting that someone can add something new to your life? Bad boys/girls can bring some adventures to our lives, while good boys/girls make us feel more safe. Both of these things are essential for a lasting romance.
All My Friends say that i am a bad girl but i dont know if i am or not i just like to have fun and i like guy friends better then girl friends i just get along with guys better then girls and yes Eranofu you are right that is why bad boys go for good girls and bad girls go for good boys is opposites do attractive!!!!
Hi Eranofu,
thanks for your comments, yes, everyone wants someone that will compliment them as well as add to their life. We all need that someone is looking for somebody to keep the grounded, while another is looking for someone to bring some adventure to their life!
Hey Camo Girl!!!
Thanks for viewing my hub! Yes, just take it one day at a time! It is nice being in company with the fellas I agree! It can be less drama at times, as they are relaxing kicking back with you!
shogan32 2 years ago
I met this Girl when I was training for a job,during the training something happened that I did not think was right and I spoke up against and the administration took up the case,ever since that moment about three girls wanted to go out with me,I eventually went out with one,I treated her right,she wanted me to take her somewhere after our lunch date,we hanged around in a park as my cousin was living with his wife in my apartment,she most of the time don't pick up my phone calls,she don't say hi to me at work,and I have a feeling she told other girls about me being too nice as other girls started to ask me for material things,I don't know what to do.